Tues 16th March -‘Where Do We Go From Here?’ Night.

Garden State –Dir. Zach Braff – Cert: 15

Written by, directed by and starring that neurotic bellend from ‘Scrubs’, with less whiney narration, more “who am I?” philosophising....and Natalie Portman in a swimsuit. Bonus yah. Along with a soundtrack featuring Simon & Garfunkel, Nick Drake, Zero 7 and Coldplay (You can’t have it all I suppose)...this flick is quality navel-gazing fayre.

Lost In Translation – Dir. Sofia Coppolla – Cert: 15

Opening with a shot of Scarlett Johanssen’s arse, which is surprisingly not as good as it gets. Bill Murray in full-on hangdog / midlife crisis mode. Fence-sitting liberal types actually lambasted the film’s use of Japanese characters as blanket racism, but we’d prefer to merely point towards the way it’s nicely balanced with a karaoke set piece where Murray sings Bryan Ferry and Johanssen sings The Pretenders – so that’s all OK.

Tues 23rd March - ‘Turkey Shoot’ Night

Gigli – Dir. Martin Brest – Cert: 15

A movie that has made the Top 10 list of worst films every year after its release, Ben Affleck and J-LO (Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got), play warring gangsters who are watching over a gangster’s son and...nothing else happens really. Will romance blossom? Who knows...better yet...who cares? As Lopez says as she stares a hole through Affleck with her cold dead eyes....”Gobble Gobble, it’s turkey time”.

ShowGirls – Dir. Paul Verhoeven – Cert: 18

The director of Robocop, Total Recall and Starship Troopers employs his sci-fi credentials to take on the world of the erotic thriller with a hint of musicality. Includes some lass from saved by the bell and a sex scene in a swimming pool that has to be scene, sorry seen, to be believed.